The Ice Rink

The day began like many other days...with ponytails.  I wish I had a quarter for every ponytail I have done in the last 11 years since I became a mother.  I would be a rich woman...maybe even rich enough to afford the endless supply of ponytail holders this house of estrogen requires?

 I have to admit that on this day, as I was preparing children and myself for the day ahead, I was feeling somewhat defeated.  I could blame it on the dreary winter weather, but my thoughts were not on storm clouds and sunless skies.  They were swirling around a little storm of my own, the one going on in my mind effecting every thought and word that I spoke, wreaking havoc on the possibility of a desired cheerful disposition. This week, for whatever reason, I had become keenly aware of the limitations in me that I felt were holding me back and keeping me from doing things "well".   The thoughts of frustration and inadequacy that I (and most women I know) fight to block out on a daily basis had, snuck in somewhere and set up camp in a dark corner of my mind.  Now, I was now in the middle trying to sort it all out.  In short, I was in a bad mood! 

The girls had been asking (ok, begging) for some time now to go ice skating.  With dad home and an afternoon free, it seemed like a good time to do it.  However, The last thing I wanted to do on this day was lace up a smelly old pair of skates and go around and around in a circle of ice...what about the dishes, and the laundry?  Who's going to vacume the bedrooms that so desperately need it and pick up the family room full of random "things" that belong somewhere in the house, but never seem to find their way "home."  I knew it would be me...later...when everyone was tired and sleeping.  More negativity to pile on to my already bad attitude.  However, I knew the girls would love it, and we would all be together.  Nothing is really more important than that.  So, we loaded up 3 excited children with hats and gloves, and headed to the local ice rink where we would meet some family members for an afternoon of fun.

 The rink was crowded, buzzing with unmistakeable energy, and once we were all laced up and ready to go, I couldn't help but feel somewhat rejuvenated by the atmosphere around me.  I was gladly the designated "hand holder" of our youngest daughter who could not wait to get out on the ice.  I was surprised by her enthusiasm as she had only been ice skating twice before in her short 6 years of life, one time being a week ago.  It had not come easy to her then, and I couldn't help but wonder what this time would bring.  

As I held her little gloved hand and skated with her around and around the rink, I was impressed by how well she was doing.  She didn't want to let go of my hand, but she showed no sense of fear as she pushed her little legs to move forward and glide further with each step.  I realized at some point that her success was due in some part to the confidence she seemed to have.  All I could think about, as a mother of course, was her falling and hitting her head or getting hurt.  I continued to hold tight to her as she fearlessly kept on, lap after lap.  After a while, my husband and I started encouraging her to try on her own.  It was difficult at first to let go of her hand, but I knew I needed to in order for her to learn on her own.  As I would let go, I'd stay right close behind her and let her struggle on her own for a bit.  Each time she fell, I was right there to encourage her and cheer her on.  In the moments she got frustrated, I let her to rest for a minute and try again...first holding her hand, and then again sending her off on her own.  As she held my hand, she had complete trust and confidence that I would not let her fall and she kept her eyes forward and went wherever I lead her, trusting completely in my judgement.  This allowed her to get really good at balancing and strengthened her ankles as she worked at keeping her feet straight, which is no easy task for little legs and feet!  Then, when she went out on her own, she had confidence that I'd still be there to help her and pick her up when she needed it.  This kept her from being too afraid to fall.

 At some point in this process, I began to recognize the amazing parallels this ice skating experience was drawing me to see in my own life.  As I continued to struggle with my inadequate thoughts and bad mood I quickly came to realize that my Heavenly Father was trying to teach me a lesson through this sweet little girl holding my hand, smiling and trusting my every move.  I began thinking about how aware I am of my weaknesses and inadequacies.  I thought about how often I think about how inexperienced and unqualified I feel to do many of the things that are expected of me in my life. I thought about how often I set out trying to fix myself, and then I get frustrated and give up when I feel I have failed.  I suddenly saw how my efforts were often missing a vital piece of the puzzle...a trusted hand to hold.  The hand is always there, but I have to have enough faith and trust to reach out and take it.  Like my sweet daughter displayed through her effortless trust in my hand, If I had the childlike faith to take my Heavenly Father's hand and know I could do well with his help, I could push myself forward with complete confidence that he won't let me fall as I try.  How much better would my life be?  In the moments when I feel alone and afraid, when I am slipping and stumbling across the "ice" each day  for the first, second, or third time on my own, He (like a concerned and loving parent) would never be far away...letting me do as much on my own as I can , and picking me up when I fall.  My inadequacies are many, but I don't have to let them keep me from holding my head high and continuing to try over and over again even when I feel defeated...no, ESPECIALLY when I feel defeated.  I can have complete trust that wherever He leads me, it won't be without His help and that will make up for the strength I lack on my own.  

Driving home that day, I left the ice rink with a renewed perspective about life and trust in the Lord.  This day that began with ponytails and pessimism, was ending with a feeling of gratitude and faith.  How I will try to always remember to reach out and take that hand that will not let me fall.  How I will have faith that no matter where I am going, He will always be right there with me, cheering me on.  Many things come to us in surprising ways, and how grateful I was for this moment in the ice rink when I learned that faith conquers fear, and each time I lace up a pair of smelly, old ice skates, I hope I'll remember that!