The window at the Pool

        The day began like any other day.  Our week long vacation was rapidly coming to a close.  We felt like we always do at the end of a vacation…excited to go home, sad to leave.  Over waffles and hot chocolate in the hotel dining room, we planned how we would squeeze every last ounce of fun out of our time left before piling in the car for the five hour drive home. 

            It was decided that my husband would take our three young daughters for a final escapade in the pool while I took advantage of the treadmill in the workout room.  Long hours of driving in the car had taken it’s toll and my body was screaming out for some physical activity.  We parted ways and I headed out past the pool to the workout room while everyone else went upstairs to change.

             My workout began like any other workout.  I stepped on the treadmill, pushed a bunch of  buttons and began walking as the machine purred to life.  The treadmill I had chosen faced a wall sized window overlooking the swimming pool.  I was delighted to know that although I was not getting in the pool, I would be able to take part in the morning swim by watching my family enjoy the unseasonably warm weather.  Little did I know, at that moment, that Heavenly Father was going to allow me a glimpse into something I hope I will never forget.

            Five minutes passed and through the window I saw a cute little family, my family, emerge from the lobby.  My husband, followed by three bouncy, giggly girls, made their way to the pool’s edge.  Towels, shoes, and clothing flew every which way as the girls excitedly prepared to jump in the water.  I was immediately delighted by the extreme joy this moment was providing them with.  I quickly discovered the  advantage of this great opportunity.  Normally I would be taking part in the scene before me, rapidly following behind them, gathering up clothes and shoes and quite honestly, being somewhat annoyed by all the commotion!  However, in this moment I was given a gift.  I saw this family in a different light, from the outside looking in.  Much like the way I imagine our Heavenly Father observes our daily lives, I began to be immersed by the many events unfolding through the giant window which had suddenly become somewhat of a movie screen.  As my feet pounded out a rhythm on the rotating belt beneath them, I watched.

            I noticed at first how happy everyone was.  I saw them enjoying each other, splashing, laughing, and playing together.  I thought about the craziness of the morning and how any hint of stress from preparing for the day had dissolved.  I thought about all the times I had allowed myself to be discouraged by the inevitable petty arguments that arise between siblings and family members in a home.   I often felt uneasy and uncertain about my ability to teach my own children to love each other and get along, pleading with My Heavenly Father to help me succeed.  As I watched, I saw people who were happy together, who did know how to work together and get along.  And they were doing it beautifully!  I realized that being in the middle of things all the time can sometimes keep us from seeing things as they really are.  I realized I wasn’t failing to teach them to love each other and work together, I just failed to notice that they could.

            I saw my husband playing with each girl, picking them up, throwing them into the air, and catching them each time.  I saw how they flocked to him, craving his attention, loving to be with him.  I thought about all the reasons I, 13 years earlier, had felt that same way towards him…craving his attention, and loving more than anything to be with him.  I thought about how much I still feel that way and how grateful I am that love can grow so much over time.

            I watched each girl enjoying the time in their own ways.  One, jumping off the side of the pool over and over again into daddy’s arms.  I thought about all the big “jumps” she would make throughout her life and how I hoped more than anything that she would grow to know that Heavenly Father,  would always be there to catch her with each leap.  I knew in this moment that with each jump, she was learning to trust.  And by being part of a family, she would have a sound environment to learn this truth.

            Another daughter sought to perfect a swimming skill she had learned in previous swimming lesson.  I saw how the encouragement she received from her family members drove her to keep trying and working at it.  I thought about all the times in her life that she would face something difficult and how I hoped the support and encouragement from family would keep her trying and working. 

             Then I watched as our third daughter came up from the water sputtering and coughing.  She had been accidentally bumped and had fallen back into the water unprepared.  Upset and angry, she made her way out of the pool and threw herself into a chair.  Now this was something I recognized!  However, I watched as immediately the dynamic changed and everyone quickly noticed she was missing.  I watched as each person stopped what they were doing and lovingly encouraged her to join them once again.  I thought about her future as well, thinking about all the times we get hurt and feel like giving up.  As she eventually responded to their requests and jumped back in, I thought about how much love plays a part in family relationships and how I hoped we would always notice when someone is taking themselves out of the game, and lovingly bring them back in.

            As I continued to observe this incredible scene , I realized something….Family is EVERYTHING.  Family is the golden ticket to our ability to learn, understand, live and grow!  Every seemingly small effort we put into building a strong family is worth it, because of how much family life impacts each personal life. I thought of a scripture I loved  “And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.” (1 Nephi 16:29)  Looking beyond all the judgments I make about my abilities as a parent to create a “perfect” family, I saw exactly how looking at the big picture…can change everything.   Although there will always be challenges that arise, there is nothing more important, and it is worth every effort on my part to strengthen and build that family unit.

            As quickly as it had all began, my little movie drew to a close.  As I turned off the treadmill and watched my family gather their things, I felt a renewed determination to keep going…keep doing all the little things that I sometimes worry won’t make a difference.  Keep pushing through when things appear to be going wrong, or when that ideal family picture seems so far beyond my grasp.  I knew that just as Heavenly Father had allowed me this little glimpse of the big picture, He would be there to show me the way.  I am so grateful to know that He loves us and He loves our families, and will always be there to show us what we need to know to keep working towards an eternal family…even if it is through the window at the pool!

My Best Nest

In a few short weeks it will be April, and amazingly it will mean we have been in our new house for 1 year.  It seems like just yesterday we packed up our LOADS of Stuff, sadly said goodbye to our beloved neighbors and friends, and moved 5 minutes away (yep, you read that right....5 minutes) to a new neighborhood.  Aside from leaving our friends, it was a dream come true to find such an incredible house that we could afford, and a step in the direction we wanted for our family.  It was truly a blessing for us, a divinely assisted opportunity.  We felt this house was perfect for us...everything we wanted in our current home, but would never be able to afford or change on our own.  Everything fell into place beautifully, and we made the leap.

Now, it's not to say that we hated our "old" house.  We didn't.  We loved where we lived, and that house served us well for 10 wonderful years.  We brought our babies home to that house...raised toddlers and created many wonderful, cherished memories as well as made life lasting friendships.  The problem was just that we wanted a change...a different layout with more room for growth.  We knew we'd never be able to afford some huge upgrade...nor did we really care about that.  We just wanted a place to be able to stretch out a bit more.  We found all that in this new home and felt overwhelmingly blessed to have this opportunity.

When we first moved in, I was daily in awe.  I couldn't believe this new house was ours.  In our 14 years of marriage, we'd never had a NEW home.  Everything was so clean and nice, and well, NEW.  I felt overwhelmingly blessed to have this wonderful place to call home.  I admit I spent days feeling guilt as well...guilty for having a new home when there are people out there who don't even have a home.  This only increased my gratitude as I spent weeks setting up our house, attempting to once again make it feel like our HOME.  I told Ryan that first week that as I unloaded all of our things into the cupboards in the kitchen I couldn't help but think of a book my Mom had read to me as a young child.  I always remembered it because of the fun pictures and the message.  It is about 2 birds, a husband and wife, who live in a little bird house.  The husband loves the house and everyday sings "I love my house, I love my nest, in all the world my nest is best!"  The story continues on to show how the wife bird gets fed up with the old birdhouse and sends the husband out to find a new one.  Finally after searching and being unable to find something better, they decide to stay in their old house and the wife changes her attitude.  As I was setting up our kitchen I told him I kept hearing the song in my head "I love my house, I love my nest....in all the world my nest is best!"

As months went on, and we began to meet people in the neighborhood we had opportunities to go into their homes.  Many of them had built their homes and their houses were beautiful.  We began making friends and getting to know some wonderful people and we were even happier. We loved all of our new friends and neighbors.  However, slowly something began to happen to me....a deadly poison began to seep into my mind....the poison known as envy.  I began to notice all the things that other people's houses had that ours did not.  I began comparing.  As I saw other houses in the neighborhood and what they had that we didn't, I am ashamed to admit that I began to feel that my own house was inadequate.  How could it be that this house that was once PERFECT to us, our BEST nest, was suddenly inadequate???

Over the next few months I did some soul searching, and here's what I came up with.  We are only as happy as we make up our minds to be.  It is human nature to always want more...bigger and better.  We are constantly bombarded with the next BEST thing....bigger, better, best.  But when are we ever SATISFIED?  When are we ever content?  Sometimes society would have us believe that if we don't have the best of what's out there, something is wrong with us.  Well what about contentment....and gratitude?  What about being grateful for having anything at all??  Isn't it more important to have gratitude than it is to be obsessed with trying to achieve the next best thing?  The problem we can run into is that in our pursuit for "perfection" and "more", we can miss out on what is right in front of us...what is there in the moment...what we have already been blessed with.  When we turn off those thoughts that allow the poison of envy to take over our minds, we can find real happiness.  Being content allows us to live....allows us to rejoice and recognize how much we really do have, no matter how big or small it may be compared to everything else.  What is really important is how we receive blessings and then how we choose to give back...not how much we can accumulate.

I am now back to appreciating my nest.  In honor of my new found perspective, I have added a little reminder to our home.

These birdhouses on top of the cabinets in my kitchen help remind me to appreciate my blessings and find joy in what I have.  They remind me to look back on how I felt that first week in this kitchen, unloading boxes and singing about my best nest.  They remind me that there will always be something better than what I have...but there is also always something worse.  They remind me to focus on what I DO have, and not what I DON'T.  Like the mother bird in the story I can now continue to sing "I love my house, I love my nest, in all the world, my nest is best."  And hopefully, regardless of WHERE I am, and what my circumstances may be, I will be able to say that with a grateful heart!