Just keep Swimming, just keep swimming....

Yesterday, my day went a little something like this....

As soon as I opened my eyes for the day, I knew it was going to be a challenging morning.  My middle daughter, who has been recently diagnosed with childhood arthritis, was crying from her room.  I could hear her telling her dad that she was in pain, and tired, and didn't want to go to school....the same story I had been hearing for the past month (maybe longer) from her every morning.  My husband, who is usually gone at this time, had let me sleep in an extra half hour because he didn't have to leave until 8.  I could hear him prodding her to get up and going, reminding her he had given her medicine and it should help her feel better soon.  She was in no way willing to comply.  "I want Mom!", she was yelling.  The throbbing sense of a headache was settling in over my eyes and I sat up.  Ryan popped his head in through the door.  "She wants you," he said.  "I have tried everything.  I'll run down and start breakfast before I have to head out."  I rolled out of bed and headed down the hall to face the inevitable.

The next hour was pretty textbook.  I helped find lost pants, assisted my emotional daughter with washing her hair because it hurts to lift her arms and bend her wrists, broke up a fight about someone being in the bathroom too long, helped with hair and answered a couple pending e-mails.  By the time we were ready to head out the door, I was ready to keep my middle child home.  How can I send her to school when she is this upset???  This whole arthritis thing is only weeks old and I am still unsure how to manage it, and we are still in the process of diagnosis.  I am left to try to figure things out as they come.  The final straw was the new medication that she refused to take because it tastes so horrible.  Needless to say, we pulled up to the school with 5 minutes to spare.  My oldest said her goodbye's and hurried off as the middle one looked at me with puffy eyes and opened the door.  She suddenly realized she had forgotten her backpack.  "Kill me now!", I thought as I waited for the inevitable explosion of tears.  She walked away crying.  I took a deep breath and headed back home already tired and frustrated.

I now had less than an hour to shower, get dressed, dress my 6 year old and feed her, and run out the door to an appointment.  There is no hurrying a 6 year old so I had to strap on my "patience hat" and deal with it.  Of course everything is always wrong right when you are heading out the door..."these shoes hurt my feet, I can't find my jacket, can I bring this snack?"  I made it to my appointment 5 minutes late...which is actually pretty good time for me.

Next, I rushed home to make lunch and take my kindergartner to school.  She cried during lunch because we had not been home the night before and I was trying to help her with homework that was unfinished while she was eating.  Apparently it's hard to read out loud while you are eating.  I realize this, but there is no time for minor details!  I should have had her doing her homework during my appointment, but I wasn't able to help her at that time, so that led to this.  When it was time to go, she asked if we could walk to school because it was now warm outside.  I told her it was too late to walk and we could do it tomorrow.  More disappointment and saddness.  As we jumped in the car I grabbed my other daughters backpack and decided to drop it off in the office.  Such a helicopter mom thing to do.  I could hear the voice of the love and logic teacher from the classes Ryan and I had taken when we were new parents saying "Let them learn through natural consequences!!"  Yeah, yeah, I know.  If I were to take that class again today, I would fail miserably.  I am now enrolled in my own class: "Reality..survival of the fittest."  There's a lot less logic involved in this class.

Soon I was pulling out of the parking lot to head to the store.  It was my Mother-in-law's 60th birthday and she always goes out of her way to make everyone's birthday special, so I wanted to make it a nice day for her.  I pulled into the craft store to grab supplies to make a happy birthday yard sign I had seen on pinterest so that she would see it when she came home in the evening.  I also bought a present and made a stop at another store for something they didn't have at the craft store.  My last stop was to 7-11 for a Dr. Pepper as my headache was going from bad to worse and all I wanted to do was take a nap....Ain't nobody got time for that!

At home I groaned as I looked around at the dirty dishes, shoes all over the floor, papers and messes from the girls the night before that had never been cleaned up.  We had all rushed out the door so fast this morning there had been no time for making beds, and the girls towels and dirty pajamas were still on the bathroom floor despite my numerous reminders to pick them up before we left.  Everywhere I looked was a mess...mess that would take much longer to fix than the hour and a half I now had before the girls would be home.  There was no way I could finish my mother in law's present, bake her cake and get the yard signs done in that amount of time.  So, I set in to do what I could.

The girls got home as I was pouring the cake batter into my new bundt pan.  I was excited to try this new recipe of a lemon glazed bundt cake.  It sounded heavenly and perfect for those yearning for a springtime treat!  All the girls burst into the kitchen hungry and tired, throwing backpacks and shoes everywhere, asking to play with friends as I tried to focus on throwing the cake into the oven and asking them to pick up their stuff...which they never ended up doing and I got sidetracked by the cake.  So there it all sat for the rest of the night.  On top of that, I had now made another HUGE kitchen mess to add to the already full sink of dishes.  There would be not time for cleaning that up now as I had to head out the door again.

I rushed my middle daughter, who was now feeling better as her medicine had kicked in, over to the church for an hour long activity while I took my other 2 daughters over to Grandma's house to decorate the lawn.  We got done just in time to pick up their sister from the activity.  We headed home to find 3 minutes left on the timer for my cake.  Whew!  It looked perfect thank goodness.  I hurried to whisk together the glaze, ordering girls to do their homework and get ready so we could spend time with grandma in less than and hour.  As I took the cake out of the oven and then dumped it onto the cooling rack I realized the outside was overly browned.  This was a new pan and I had not experimented with cooking times yet.  It also smelled somewhat burnt.  I don't usually burn things because I am so cautious about it....but why not today!  I decided to glaze it anyway, but the glaze didn't seem to help much.  There was no way I was going to serve everyone a burnt cake, so as soon as Ryan got home and told me I was being irrational about the cake (keep in mind he eats BURNT toast)  we ran to the store to purchase a bakery lemon cake.  So disappointing!

We spent the evening with Ryan's family for the Birthday and didn't get done until about 9.  My middle child was now in pain again and exhausted and ready for bed.  I was frustrated with myself for staying so late instead of getting the kids home for bed.  I remembered that we had to pick up another prescription because I hadn't had time to do it earlier and we needed it for tomorrow, so we ran over to the pharmacy on the way home.  2 of the 3 kids were asleep in the car by the time we got home.  Then, when we got in the house, the 2 older girls fought over who got to have the fan in their room because it was hot upstairs.

By the time everyone was asleep, I looked at the clock: 10:15.  I was exhausted.  I knew I had to get everyone out the door by 7:55 in the morning so we could make it to a school event the next day, so I HAD to shower now.  When I finally rolled into bed, not sure what time because I refused to look at the clock, I thought about the disaster that awaited me down stairs for the morning and shook my head.  WHEN will I take care of that???  I fell asleep to my mind going over and over the mile long list of things I need to do in the next few days.

So what is my point in all of this???  Is it just that I want to whine about a busy day?  Don't I know everyone else out there has a life that is just as hectic, if not more so, than mine?  Yes, yes I do.  That is not my point.  The message came today, in a subtle, small way.

Today began much like the day before, only EVERYONE was tired and grumpy this morning.  It was nothing short of a miracle that we made it to "Books and buddies", a parent/child reading event that took place at the school this morning.  By the time we arrived, I was exhausted and tired from "putting out fires" all morning and still some what defeated from the day before and the day ahead.  As I sat reading with my girls, trying to have a fun experience,  they continued to complain and argue with eachother.  I continued to try to keep my patience.  When it was over and time to go, my youngest was rudely telling her sister how much she had ruined her day because she had drank her chocolate milk.  (Pah-lease!)  I kneeled down to look at her and said "Stop it!   That is enough."  I didn't yell it, but said it firmly enough that I caught the attention of a Mom I didn't know sitting close by.  I felt her look at me.  I imagined she was judging me, thinking I was a mean mom for reprimanding my child in such a firm tone.  I continued anyway as I wanted my daughter get the message to change her attitude and I meant it.  I wasn't mean, but I meant business.  She knodded her head and began to follow me out the door.  I knew I shouldn't care what this other mother thought of me...she didn't know me.  She didn't know the whole story.  I Imagined her making all kinds of judgements about what kind of mother I am.  I started feeling defensive, remembering my day before, and the day before that and on and on.  She had no idea how frustrating it was this morning, just to get my kids to this school!  I turned to look at her as we passed by just to see if she had that look on her face...that look that you see when someone is annoyed with what you are doing. That look from the stranger in the grocery store or restaurant when your child is throwing a fit and you are incapable of stopping it.  What good would it do?  None...I just wanted to see if she was as annoyed by me as I imagined her to be.  As I looked at her, her eyes met mine.  To my surprise, she smiled at me and gave me a little wink.  It was a look that said "Oh, I have been there."  A look that said "Keep it up, you're doing great."  A look that whispered, much like the catchy little song from "Finding Nemo" Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  I had been the one to wrongfully judge her...asuming she would automatically  deem me a grouchy, impatient mother who always yelled at her kids.  I realized that had been my judgement of myself....not hers.  I had been in the wrong. That one small act of kindness changed my perspective for that single moment.  It reminded me that there are others out there just trying to make it everyday like me.  I am not alone.

In this world where we are all trying to make it, all trying to get by, all trying to do the best we can with the circumstances we have been given, how great would it be if we all made an effort to give someone a little understanding smile, a pat on the back, a compassionate wink.  What if we said to each other "Hey, I get you!  I know it's hard, just keep it up!"  What if we said to ourselves "You are doing your best and not everyone is watching you waiting for you to fail."  I think of how that one instance lifted my morning and strengthened me in a way nothing else could.  How great would it be if we made that  extra effort to love and support, instead of being quick to judge and criticize others AS WELL AS ourselves.  Thank you kind stranger for this reminder today, for unknowingly helping me to give myself a break and remember to just keep swimming!

30 Things I have learned or that I do in my 30's...that I never thought I'd learn or do when I was in my 20's

This year I find myself right smack dab in the middle of an age I used to consider "old".  The number 30 snuck up on me, finding it's way onto my drivers license, my medical chart, and anything  that required I divulge an age.  Thirty has become younger and younger in my mind the more I creep past the big 3-0. 

I was reflecting the other day about things that I do differently now than I did ten years ago, and how some things that used to be easier are now more difficult.  And some things that used to be more difficult, are now easier.  However, I find myself reminding my mind and body that I am no longer 20 years old, and it really is TRUE that your body (and your perspective) change with each decade of your life.  I am now at a place in my life where I am no longer up to my armpits in diapers and around the clock feedings.  That season of my life has come to a close (sniff sniff and yay).  I have begun another glorious season in the life of a womanhood and I've had to redefine who I am now and where I want to go from here.  In the process of doing this, I have compiled a mental list of differences between my early 20's and now my mid 30's.  Here are 30 things I have learned or that  I do in my 30's that I never thought I would learn or do in my 20's!

1) I sleep through the night most nights.  (This is a major accomplishment coming off of roughly 10 years of baby/toddler/preschooler middle of the night care taking.)  There was a time I thought I'd NEVER see this day, but alas, it has arrived!  Hallelujiah!

2) I now smell like bath and body works vanilla instead of baby spit up.

3) I fall asleep VERY QUICKLY watching movies or writing in my journal.  I used to be able to go, go, go and keep on going until I hit the pillow at night, but now....not so much.

4) I step over things on the floor instead of bending over 100 times throughout the day to pick them up! 

5) Sometimes I fork over $30.00 for takeout just so I can save the sanity of trying to make dinner in the middle of evening chaos.

6) I get excited when the house is empty and quiet for a while....Never thought I'd hear myself say that!

7) I opt for the classical station more times than the pop station....I am becoming my mother

8) A trip to Walmart with no kids is considered a date night with the Hubs.  (If we're lucky, we stop for Ice cream at the Mcdonalds!)

9) Two words: FIBER ONE....nuff said!

10) I try not to stand next to the young ladies at Zumba as I now look like Paula Abdul trying to keep up with Selena Gomez or whatever her name is!

11) I stopped telling myself I should REALLY learn how to make homemade bread and grind my own wheat because that would make me the ULTIMATE homemaker and am delighted when I find our favorite store bread on sale!  AND, I don't feel a bit guilty about buying it!

12) I take a walk down memory lane when I hear MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, or Boys ll men....

13) I started taking piano lessons again from my Mom....this time without the whining and foaming at the mouth.

14) I began sleeping on a contoured pillow because oh my aching neck!  Takes me a bit to "get going" in the morning!

15) I visit the Dr. a lot...you know, the one at the Holiday Oil,  Dr. Pepper.  Yes, I know, I know....working on that one!

16) I bought the cute skirt that goes with my swimsuit to make sure it covered up some "things" ..lucky for me this is more IN right now than when I was a kid.  The ladies with skirts at the pool were not exactly what you hoped to aspire to...

17)  I treat my kitty like a baby because, well, no babies!

18)  I sneak in and watch my sleeping kids and realize I have forgotten a lot of the images from when they were babies that I thought I would NEVER forget.

19) I no longer look around to see who the store clerk is talking to when they say "Ma'am."  I automatically know it's ME.

20)  I am in more of a rush to teach my kids as much as I can and build relationships because I see first hand that time really does go by quickly.

21) Some days I opt for the Icy Hot instead of the Smelly lotion....

22) Instead of dreaming about places I'd like to go and things I'd like to do, I dream about having a maid or a dinner service.

23) I have learned attempting a toe touch on a trampoline at this age can have embarrassing and dire consequences.

24) I appreciate a lot more...my parents, my family, my friends, every blessing.  I realize now more than ever how hard others have worked to make my life better.  I appreciate the little things.

25) I rely more on the mannequins at the store when I shop to know what is cute to wear now....I don't trust my 80's and 90' fashion judgement anymore!

26) I take more time to sit in silence and just listen....

27) I keep the bottle of TUMS on my nightstand (Oh sad day....this is SO my DAD!)

28) One of the greatest joys in my life is to see one of my kids ACTUALLY do what my hubby or I asked them to do!

29)  I start a lot of sentences with "Remember When...." or "Back in the day..."

30) I began writing an annoying BLOG in an attempt to organize my swarming thoughts and document day to day living....and I think it's actually FUN!

Here's to another 10 years!  Can't wait to see what's around the corner in the 40's.  Well, actually, I'd like to wait a little bit longer for that!